Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

My boss just informed me that Jake f*cking Gyllenhaal was at the Lords of Dogtown premiere last night. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. Seriously, I think I might cry. Why do I care (it's not the first time I've missed a Jake G. encounter)? Because...I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! But noooooo...tickets were reserved for more important people...like Fred Durst and Alexis Arquette. Oh god, and the f*cking Willis daughters! It hurts so much....

Mastering interpersonal skills (via my blog is poop). It's funny b/c it's true! I've listed my favorite techniques below...now I'll never look like an a**hole even when I really have no idea who you are (I can't help that I drink a lot).
- When introducing two people, stop halfway and let them do the rest. Example: Oh Lindsay, I'd like you to meet... (exaggerated swallow/cough)
At this point, the person will instinctively introduce themselves to save you. "I'm Tim, nice to meet you." Saved.
- Act genuinely happy to see the person. Accentuate this with an overexaggerated "Heyyyyy, it's great to see you!" If you're that thrilled to see them there's no way that you could've possibly forgotten their name.
- Don't say hi to anybody. Just start talking. This works well for the over confident and the creepy alike.

Reagan misses last night's episode of Chaotic- Chaotic risks being cancelled. (via goldenfiddle) Yes, the two are directly related.

Confirmed: Lindsay Lohan NOT in MI3. (via the d list). Her misery (I'm assuming she's heartbroken, it's funnier that way) brings me joy. Pathetic? Yes. Do I care? Not so much. I'm feel like one of those girls in high school who's nice to your face then talks about you behind your back. Minus the nice to your face thing.

Justin Timberlake pulling a Dicaprio. In other words- he's getting fat. You know, like Leonardo did a few years ago. Get it? Not my best post. (via the d list...again)

Immoderation's take on The Ten Commandements
No attempt at witty commentary necessary...just see for yourself. I think it's hilarious, if that means anything to you.

To end this post, I would like to tell you a little story about a girl who is 25 going on 50. No, she is not wise beyond her years. But she does get tired around 9 pm every night. And having even one margerita is enough to send her into a coma. AND she has seen an episode or two of Two and a Half Men...and laughed. I don't really have a point. I'm just saying- she ain't getting any younger.
R.